The Voice - Student Newspaper

Single moms juggle family, school, work

Jen Sandrock begins her days at 7:19 a.m. The 27-year-old single mother of two wakes up her six-year-old daughter Jade, feeds her, clothes her, gives Jade – a special needs child – her medication and then makes sure she's on the school bus by 8:01.

Sandrock goes back inside her home, where her four-year-old son Brendan has fixed himself a bowl of cereal. Sandrock works with Brendan on his letters and spelling skills while she does her own homework, then makes lunch before leaving her son with a baby-sitter (Sandrock's teenage brother) so that she can go pick up her fiancé, Cory, and take them both to Glendale Community College (GCC).

Sandrock acts as a "personal care attendant" for Cory, who is a blind triple amputee.

She attends his classes with him, takes notes for him and even assists him with his projects for ceramics class. Sandrock herself is enrolled in seven credit hours' worth of classes at GCC.

She has not yet declared a major, but hopes to pursue a career in counseling.

After class she may run errands, go grocery shopping or take Cory to visit his sister before returning home and doing more homework and housework.

Sandrock's schedule varies from day to day, but there is one constant: it is always jam-packed.

She, like millions of other single mothers, try to do it all: work, go to school and raise happy, well-adjusted children.

They all admit that their situation is not ideal, but they make the most of it and try to remain positive.

"I don't think anyone imagines they'll be a single mother or divorced or abandoned or abused or any of those things," said Sandrock.

"I think we all hope and pray and convince ourselves that it won't happen to us."

Sandrock believes that with the challenges of being a single mother come great rewards.

"The challenges of being a single parent revolve around one common theme: 'It's all on me,' 'It all depends on me' and 'There's no one else to trust or rely on, on a daily basis'," said Sandrock.

"These thoughts, which ring horribly true, are our biggest challenge, biggest fear and the biggest hurdle to overcome… The rewards are primarily in our children, and later with every milestone that the kids reach and the milestones we reach in our own lives, that we're that much closer to achieving our goals."

Senji Dallas, a 22-year-old single mother, is another woman who is trying to do it all.

The pharmacy tech student works as a waitress and bartender to support her six-year-old daughter Kyra. She usually takes 12 credits per semester but had to cut back to 7 this semester as a result of the economy and the financial strain it has taken on her family.

In addition to work and school, Dallas is also a soccer mom who supports Kyra's team, the Gators.

"I never imagined I would have to raise a family while finishing college," said Dallas.

"I was offered scholarships and had plans to go to NAU and live on campus until I got pregnant and was forced to change my life plans."

Still, Dallas is not bitter and would not change her life if she could.

"Things happen for a significant reason. I believe I was blessed with my daughter, even though it was at such a young age," said Dallas. "Having a child really made me grow up and made me realize that any decision I make from now on will be very important in the way I raise my daughter and the person she will grow up to be."

Both Sandrock and Dallas have a strong support system that they can lean on for help and advice.

"If I need to vent, I call my sister or I'll go over to a best friend's house to let our kids play while we chat, or call my parents, or find an old friend online to talk to," said Sandrock. "If I need help, well, that depends on the help I need. The home warranty takes care of things that break or need repair in the home (toilet, fridge, A/C, etc). Babysitting I have, and my friends and my boyfriend's friends and family are there for everything else, from car breakdowns, to making me a screen for a window, to borrowing tools for home improvement."

Dallas also relies on family and friends for support.

"I always go to my mom for mom advice, financial advice and life-balancing advice. I always go to my dad for everyday mishaps and stresses," said Dallas.

"And I go to my best friend for personal advice, if I have boy problems, or if I need girl time to have fun instead of reminiscing about negative situations."

In addition to having a good support system, it is also important for single parents to take time for them and to have some "me time" after caring for everyone else. Dallas' favorite solo activity is going to the gym, where she can work off any stress she has and do something positive for her physical and mental health.

Sandrock is an avid crafter and relaxes by going online or watching movies after her children are asleep.

"Single parents to some extent are all in the same boat. I had to learn the hard way, you absolutely must make time for yourself to do things you want to do, and schedule free time, even if you have to steal it from some other activity (like sleeping in my case)," said Sandrock. "If we don't take those time-outs, we will burn out, and then what happens to those who depend on us? Even though we might feel guilty for taking the time to do things by ourselves, without the kids, we'll last longer, and the kids will appreciate and eventually realize that Mommy's nicer and a better parent when she returns from her short reprieve." Even though being a single mother is difficult and taxing – emotionally, mentally, physically and financially – both Sandrock and Dallas remain positive and grateful for their children and their lives, however complicated they may be. Dallas advises, "My advice to other single parents is to look at everything in a positive outlook. Never let yourself get down regardless of the situation."

Dallas further explains that, "Because if things get really bad, it can only get better from there! Also, spend as much time with your child now because that determines the relationship you will have with your child once they grow up."

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