The Voice - Student Newspaper

Cheerleading a sport?

By Matt Petersen
Sports Editor, The VOICE

Renowned high school cheerleader Ima Sohot responded vehemently yesterday to accusations that cheerleading should not be classified as a sport.

"It's totally ridiculous that, like, people would be so dumb about cheerleading. There's, like, a lot of hard work that goes on, you know?"

Leading the verbal crusade against cheerleading's sports status is valley softball standout Bigma Sells.

Speaking to reporters after batting 4-for-4 in an 8-0 win on Monday, Sells turned the attention to cheerleaders' efforts to become part of the athletic picture.

"Sports players win stuff. If you don't win stuff, you're not a sports player. They look stupid just cheering us on."

Sells refuses to acknowledge the legitamcy of cheerleading competitions, stating it's "a beauty pageant with girls who jump around in mini-skirts."

Sohot shot back at Sells, saying, "There's a lot more coordination and athleticism in cheerleading than hitting a stupid ball with a stick."

With tensions from both sides increasing, the possibilities of the aforementioned "stick" being used for more violent means have gone from unthinkable to probable.

Further complicating matters, both Sohot and Sells have been offered four-year scholarships for their respective activities...at the same university.

Sells was openly opposed to such an arrangement. "If she's cheering at my games, I hope a foul ball doesn't 'accidently' cut off her ra-ra's."

A cool rebuff was Sohot's response.

"Why would I cheer for someone who's unappealing to sports and society in general?"

Still, a full-ride scholarship would be difficult to pass up, regardless of any personal conflicts between the two. If they do in fact attend the same university, it's a sure bet the competition within in the school would be hotter than against its rivals.

By the way............APRIL FOOLS!!!